Couch Surfing as Economic Stimulus

The other day, a couple of friends of mine proudly announced to me that they had just become official couch surfers. Apparently all they had to do was sign up online with http://www.couchsurfing.org/ , where they pledged to share their couch to travelers from around the world. In exchange, they could in turn stretch out on other couches in exotic, far-flung destinations—such as Longview, WA.

The more I considered this, the more I thought about how the world is a strange and wonderful place, brimming with possibilities. Eventually I came to the startling conclusion that many formerly loser slacker-dude couch surfers could now become…legit. I pictured thousands of couch surfers the world over ACTUALLY GETTING UP OFF THEIR COUCHES to do something other than get a beer.

What if we could actually harness all of that aimless slacker couch-surfing energy into something positive—say, to benefit the economy? Most experts agree that consumer spending accounts for two-thirds of the U.S. economy, much of it from those on the lower rungs of the economic scale (and loser slacker dudes aren’t exactly top wage earners). So while the government is still in the mood of passing out billions of dollars in bailout money to bankers, insurances companies, and “cash for clunkers” programs, I’d like to propose my own plan: how about a “cash for slackers” program? Why not give those slackers a real reason to get up off of their couches and go somewhere new and spend a little money on local economies?

Now before all of you conservatives start screaming that THIS WOULD BE SOCIALISM let me explain how the program would work—and how it could be a benefit to you and your country.
Slackers could be given free round-trip airline tickets to any destination—as long it is in the U.S. Alaska could even be safely included, since it will now be secure from the threat of Communism (Sarah Palin, now out of office, will be available full-time to keep an eye on Russia). Hawaii won’t be included, however, as every “birther” knows Hawaii is a foreign country (sorry, slackers, but I hear Alaska is real nice in the summer).

The “cash for slackers” plan would be a win-win for everyone, and cost far less than the popular 3 billion dollar “cash for clunkers” program. It would stimulate the struggling airline business, for one thing. And if we pitched in a few extra hundred dollars per slacker, in addition to the airline ticket, it would even stimulate the local economies where the slackers end up couch surfing. But best of all, Republicans all over the country would be ecstatic at the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get their nephews or dead-beat son-in-laws off their couches for a while (where they’ve been languishing for the past 10 years while they attempt to “get back on their feet again.”)

So call your Congressman now, and ask for a “Cash for Slackers” program. Meanwhile, give couch surfing a try.

Who knows, you might even find a little spare change for your piggybank tucked down in a cushion somewhere.